Open Arms Infants Home

I was delighted to discover on my return to Open Arms, that Neville really didn’t have any issues about me hanging around with the kids. His only concern really was that he was too busy with day-to-day business to find things for me to do and, with my self-assurance and love of kids, I couldn’t see this being a problem. For the rest of the week, I spent time at Kabula Lodge in the mornings, writing up journal notes on Tibet, while the older children of Harrogate House were taking their school lessons and then, once school was out, I’d join them to help supervise and spice up their afternoon play sessions. With only 8 kids, remembering names wasn’t difficult and I also got to know the kids pretty well, on account of being able to spend a lot of time with each of them. The oldest, Wilson, has become something of a symbol for Open Arms, having spent his entire life there since his parents’ deaths. At 5 though, he’s really reached the limit of what Open Arms can do for him, having passed through the care of the main house and being the first resident of Harrogate House. In October, along with Norman, Mary and Aubrey, he will be moving into the foster home I’ve mentioned previously. Wilson is a really sweet-natured kid – of all the Harrogate House crowd, he’s the one who’s learnt to share and is often protective of his younger companions. This doesn’t mean he can’t be a cheeky little monkey but everything is done with his open, winning smile in such a way that you couldn’t possibly get angry with him. Norman, on the other hand, is can be a sly little devil, who doesn’t hesitate to manipulate anyone who’ll fall for his waterworks routine or snatch a coveted toy from someone else’s hand when he thinks nobody’s looking. Of course, if you’re wise to him and show him that you’re not falling for it, he’ll immediately break out in a wide grin and have you believe that he was just joshing the whole time. He genuinely expresses all the innocent joys of childhood if you do something as simple as pick him up and tickle him and, I suspect like most of the kids, he has only learnt his tricks to compete for the limited amount of attention that is available in any place where there’s a large number of other kids. One mustn’t forget that these kids have all been deprived of the natural love of their mothers and, often, the rest of their family…so any way of getting attention and affection must seem fair to them.
Mary is to the girls, what Wilson is to the boys: genuinely affectionate and always willing to share if asked. Her often serious-looking features, light up with her infectious grin and laughing eyes when she’s not thinking too deeply about the great imponderables (such as, ‘Why does this big mzungu have so much hair on his arms and not on his head?’). She’s never happier than when she’s been given a real baby to carry on her back (just like the mothers here do!) and often substitutes a live baby for a doll, while she goes about her play.
Aubrey is one of the brightest kids there, despite any difficulties caused by his cerebral palsy. To be honest, his pointed tiptoeing gait and a slight tendency to dribble are barely noticeable compared to his big, brown eyes and affectionate nature…and he certainly understands as much of what’s going on as Wilson, even if he can’t enunciate what he’s thinking so clearly. Aubrey’s also got a little of Norman’s play-acting skills – although, I think these are genuinely touched with frustration at his own incapacities sometimes and, once or twice, I’ve seen him cry himself into a state of almost catatonia when he’s been too slow to get to the ‘best’ bike. Most of the time though, he’s just a big grin, trying to squeeze himself through your legs or forcibly remove your sunglasses for deconstruction.
These, then, are the four oldest kids (hence their removal to the foster home in October), leaving Mercy, Blessings, Malita and Nelifa. Mercy and Blessings are twins and two of the cutest, little kids you’ll ever meet. Mercy, unfortunately has only half of her left leg…the rest made up by a somewhat poorly-fitted prosthetic, which occasionally drops off (quite comically) during strenuous play. Mercy never lets this aspect of her disability get to her, she charges around and giggles with the rest of the kids and calmly rolls her trouser-leg up whenever the prosthesis needs re-attaching. Like Aubrey, however, she does get really upset when her slower gait, means that she misses out on some toy or other and, just occasionally, she’ll sit down and have a good old cry in frustration. However, these little fits of pique are few and far between and, for the most part, that gorgeous little face is lit up by a huge grin and warm, loving eyes. Of all the Harrogate House kids – even Wilson with his bags of confidence and outgoing nature – Mercy was the first to really attach herself to me and certainly one who I’ve developed a close bond with.
Blessings, Mercy’s cherub-faced brother, scores high on the ‘huggability’ scale. His grin is at least a mile wide and he loves nothing more than being tickled upside down, before flying through the air and collapsing on the floor in a heap of laughter. He occasionally looks quite mournful (he’s got this big chubby cheeks and pouting lips that can look quite sad when the dimples aren’t present and the corners turned down) and does a good line in quiet, repetitive whining if one of the older kids is playing with a toy he wants, but mostly he just giggles and squeals with delight at whatever’s taken his fancy at the time.
Malita is another one of my favourites with her stompy limbs, wide, appraising eyes and a masterful, cheeky grin. Apparently she’d suffered from a bad bout of meningitis when she was younger and this might explain some of her attentional difficulties and her tendency to get over-excited about certain situations. She’s incredibly affectionate and a natural clown, who likes nothing better than making you smile at her zany antics. If she catches you smiling, she’ll crack that crazy grin right back at you and you can see the pleasure in her dancing eyes.
Last – but by no means least – is little Nelifa. She hasn’t been in Harrogate House long and is obviously still finding her feet. It’s sometimes disturbing to see her exaggeratedly rocking back and forth when she becomes distressed and I hope the love and affection she receives from the carers and the volunteers at Open Arms is enough to help her forget whatever troubles she’s had in the past. She’s much smaller than the other kids and darker and less prone to smiling while she plays with her toys. However, if you pick her up and hug her or smile at her when she looks up, she really rewards you with a beautiful toothy grin or a warm, heartfelt hug. Of all the Harrogate House kids, she’s my absolute favourite and I’ve always got a special smile or a big hug for her before I leave at the end of the day.
Outside of lessons, the kids really dictate what they do with their day with me along as a willing accomplice. Activities range from completing puzzles to reading books, from riding trikes noisily down the drive to swinging at maximum velocity on the rickety old swingset in the back yard – all interspersed with spaceship rides and tickle-a-thons aboard the SS Fin.
I’ve tried to give them all equal amounts of love and attention but, inevitably, I think one perceives a greater need for it in some kids and acts accordingly. That said, I’ll never deny any of them a hug or a pick-up (at least until I get tired) and I always try to involve them all in something if they enjoy it. I’ve also tried to teach them the importance of sharing and of not taking without asking – a difficult concept to grasp for the younger kids. Additionally, I’ve tried to break them out of the habit of crying or whingeing for attention – again, with varying degrees of success depending on their age.
Most amusingly, I think I’ve taught some of them some of the more ‘important’ differences between men and women… They have all scraped their hands along my chin, noticing its comparative roughness compared to most of their daily companions. Wilson, though, showed just how far ahead of the game he is when he sat down on my lap one day and reached out a hand to grab my pectoral muscle. He didn’t say a word but his eyes clearly voiced the question, ‘Where are yours?’ Barely able to contain my laughter, I tried to explain that while Enifa (the school teacher) and Masalina (Head of Harrogate House) were women along with Mary and Malita and Mercy; Wilson, Norman and I were men. He seemed to consider this for a few seconds before prodding the front of my shorts – as if to confirm a theory – whereupon I swiftly put him back on the floor and burst out laughing. Wilson and Norman joined in and thought it was all a great joke – but with any luck, they’ve learnt a valuable life lesson. ;-)
Quite apart from my adventures at Harrogate House, I’d also found some time to spend in the main house with the toddlers and younger babies. Perhaps lacking in the developed personalities of their older friends over the other side of the footpath, these kids are even cuter to look at and, on account of their higher dependence, much quicker and easier to fall in love with. Having experienced that look of total adoration when feeding my two cousins (Celia, my goddaughter and her little brother, Ollie) and my nephew (my younger sister’s son, Joshua) I was well prepared for the powerful effect of these little black eyes boring into my heart. You can really feel that primal parenting instinct when they give you this look of utter adulation, as the provider of life-giving milk: an emotion that I, ever in touch with my appetite, can understand only to well. I’ll go into more detail about these little heartbreakers in next week’s entry as I’ll be spending even more time with them over the coming days.